hey. today is my birthday and i want 2 tell what i got 4 my b-day. ok when i got home i opened 2 presents. i got bakugan!!!!!!!! i got a whole 30-set deck of cards and 3 new bakugan with 6 new cards so i have 36 new cards! ok i also got my military i-d and an airsoft gun. me and my dad where shooting my cat (it had bb's in it =])we will vidieo tape it 2! it was fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am getting a lot better mentally but Physical and Emotional problems keep surfacing.

Physical
I have been having pain and pressure in my lower back and pain shooting down my ass cheek and down my leg all the way into my foot. It has been almost 3 months since we were blown up and we finally got around to getting it checked out. As it turns out I have a herniated disk that is pushing on my spinal cord and my S1 nerve that feeds into your sciatic nerve. I am waiting for my appointment with Neurosurgery to evaluate me for Surgery. I hope they just go for the surgery and not try a ton of alternatives in attempt to fix it. I am having trouble laying down, sitting, standing up and walking. So I would like a quick fix and no screwing around. I am tired of walking around like I got a load in my pants and I walk slow as shit, my kids were leaving me in the dust.

I did some research and found out that the operation is done as an Outpatient procedure or at most 1 day in the hospital and the recovery is 1 – 3 weeks. That is bad ass. Also I damaged my sinuses and ENT has me taking medications trying to fix it, doesn’t seem to be working too well. If the Meds don’t work then I have to go in with them and get checked out further to figure out what the hell is going on and how we can fix it.

On the lighter side of my Physical problems the swelling in my retinas seems to be going down and the Photophobia is getting better. I still need to wear Sunglasses or tinted glasses most of the day; I no longer have to wear them at night anymore. My Memory is getting a lot better. I work on it so much, I cannot stand being faulty. I still forget things but it is nowhere near as bad as it was nor as often. The TBI clinic said I scored very well on the last test that I took. I should be done with them as soon as I get my sleeping in order.

I am going through a sleep study and it seems to work some of the time. The study involves a lot of relaxation techniques and meditation, nothing new for me. I have been meditating for almost 20 years anyway. I still suffer from insomnia anywhere from 3 – 5 days out of the week but I do get a chance to rest and it feels so good when I do. The only thing that bothers me the most is the fact that I cannot do PT, with that and the meds I gained like 10 – 15 lbs since I have been back and I hate it. However I am going to start doing Yoga, I hope that that will help with my feelings of laziness. The best thing about insomnia is you have more than enough time in the day to try new things.

Emotional
First off I am so glad that I have the insight into myself to see changes in my behavior, feelings and overall mental stability. It seems that the more my mind heals the more crap surfaces. I have a case manager that explained it perfect. She said “The more my mind heals the more my world opens up, however my mind needs to learn how to process all the new information coming in”. It is now to the point where I am staying home no matter what because I do not trust myself around people now. I get enraged so fast and with cause that I will end up hurting someone.

I am defiantly blessed to have the wife that I do, she is so patient with me and knows when to pull back or when it is time to get me home. We were out today and I freaked out over nothing, it just about trashed my day. I feel bad because when I am like that my kids catch the brunt of it, and all they are only being kids. I hate it when I yell at them and thank god that I would rather destroy a stranger than physically harm my wife and kids. But I do run off at the mouth. I cannot stand feeling that rage again and knowing that all someone would have to do is slightly provoke me or if I think they thought about provoking me and I would unload on them. I get to the point where I don’t care if they are men, women, children, disabled, elderly or even a person. I just want to destroy something a car, tree, animal, house anything. I want to cause damage to something that will cause pain to another person. If I can’t hurt them I want to kill something that will cause them pain physical, emotional, spiritual, metaphysical, whatever just hurt motherfucker.

With all that going on I have enough since to stay home and book an appointment with behavioral health. I have been here before and I made it though, As I told everyone when I was a kid, I cannot control myself once I reached a certain point and I do not think in terms of right and wrong. I don’t comprehend consequences. It is not where I want to be and I have enough assets around me where I do not need to fight myself I can get help. And a big part for me is putting it down and letting people know

3RD PLT "HELLFIRE" B CO 1-17INF



Fuck I miss my Hellfire Family. It sucks to sit here safe in the states when you know that on the other side of the world your boys are fighting it out with a shitload of shady bastards. Part of me knows that I need to be here to get better, but everything that I am wants to be back there fighting side by side with them. I clench my fists and teeth every time I get an email that we have lost more soldiers in 1-17.

I would risk it all up for anyone of them, even the fuckers that I don't give a shit about cuz you know that "WE" are all "WE" got out there. I sat here on Veterans Day and watched all the commercials "Thanking our Troops" with a free doughnut, blooming onion, cup of coffee or a free food from a limited menu. Don't get me wrong it is appreciated but what the fuck do you think that supports? How about send some stuff from our home to the Troops that need the support not the ones that sleep in a nice warm bed next to there loved ones, watching TV going to the store without body armor and no weapon. Every time I got a package I felt that someone gave a damn enough to pack a box and put my name on it. That was the best feeling out there, well besides "Chasing the Monkey".

If you would like to send something, anything you can send it to the following address.


SFC Dass, Zalmen
ATTN: Any 3rd PLT Soldier
B Co 1-17INF 5/2ID
FOB Frontenac
APO AE 09355


Or if you want to take it further check out this site Any Soldier
You could also send money to my PayPal account (gordon.woolley@gmail.com) and I will forward it on to them

I fight on a constant basis with getting myself, physically and mentally in line with my previous self. The crap that I am going through pisses me off cuz my brain knows where I was and what I am capable of but reality is I am not like that right now.

Back Story

On September 23rd my vehicle was a mobility kill due to a command wire IED. The explosion was directly under where I sit. The blast pushed me up out of my hatch where I was hit in the head with 2 MK19 Ammo Cans that cut loose from the side, each weigh approx 40lbs, and was pinned down in my seat. At first glance I was fine however later on that night I started to loose my balance and coordination. It got a shit ton worse over the next 1 - 2 weeks. I was diagnosed with TBI (Traumatic brain injury ) and sent to Germany then to the States for Rehab and Recovery.

Lately
I have turned into a nocturnal creature, I do not get tired until 0500 - 0600 and if I do pass out then I sleep/lay down for the entire day. I try meditation, just laying in bed, medication, shit I even broke a long streak and tried to drink some beer. I try Hot Milk and relaxation techniques. And FUCK it doesn’t work.

On top of all that I cannot go outside without sunglasses on day or night. Due to swelling that I have in both of my eyes. I continually have pain on and off in my neck (fractured C4/C5) and lower back and pain shooting though my hip and down my leg. I am not allowed to drive a car, I am escorted at work about 98% of the time. I walk around with ALL my paperwork every day because I might forget what I need.

It sucks because I am unable to do a lot of what I once did. I have even less patience with my kids once the euphoria wore off. It is funny that some little problems with you can cause you to think your life lacks direction and there is not a way to get it back. I fight that though on a daily basis, one thing I learned over my life is that you can change everything.

I am doing better with my memory, but it only seems to be in areas that hold some sort of interest for me. anything else is either gone or I recall vague high level overview. The headaches are triggered by random sights and sounds, I am also drawing a line between the sleep and stressful situations triggering headaches. I lay on the couch just about the entire time I am at home. I realized today that, From the outside looking in, I would put money on depression.

For the most part I am separated from my wife and kids, I will get in a mood or not feel good and they will give me space and go either upstairs, downstairs, or go outside. The next thing I know is they have been gone for a long while and the only time I spoke to them was to tell them to eat, clean up, or go to bed.

Something needs to break before I do, I start getting pent up aggression, and with past track records I am no the most subtle person sharing my feelings. That is why I decided to take the first step and start something here. I need to figure new ways to do shit till I get back to what I once was, If I can even do that.

8 U.S. troops die in Afghanistan, making October worst month - World AP - MiamiHerald.com: "The 5th Brigade of more than 3,800 soldiers has been patrolling in the Arghandab Valley and other areas of southern Afghanistan. The brigade's 1st Battalion, 17th Infantry Regiment, is assigned to the Arghandab Valley, which has sustained the heaviest losses of any Stryker battalion from roadside bombs, bombs that detonate on foot patrols and small-arms fire in an area of open desert and dense foliage in irrigated farm fields."

It is almost 2am and I am sitting in a hospital room in California still waiting for a flight home. Yesterday our flight got canceled due to weather. I have been on a long trip home, I am glad I dont remember a lot of it but I do know it has been a while.
I have been sent home because I have TBI and a fractured neck. I get headaches all day and a bunch of memory loss. My short-term memory is sporadic at best. I dont know what is going to happen when I get home, I have to get a bunch of tests done to figure out what is going on with me. I was going to be flying home about 2 or 3 times already but they have been changed. I hope today is the day.

I am trying to get out of here and back on my FOB but the DR wont let me go so soon. I got to do more healing and get rid of my headaches. After the blast my neck muscles and soft tissue went crazy, I am getting that back in order threw a lot of stretches however I still have my neck to worry about.
It is long and slow going but I will get there.

Happy Birthday baby girl. I sent you a card and had some cake and Ice Cream on your birthday with SFC Dass and 1LT Boirum. We sang you happy Birthday. I hope you had fun and I hope you enjoy your Doll house.

Also thank Mema and Popie for the package they sent. And have Mom send me lolie pops (A HUGE BAG). I love you guys and hope I will see you soon.

Sorry my last phone call got cut off, I hope everything is going well and the kids are being good for you. I miss you guys and wish I could be there. I got your letters. We are in a black out and can not really call but I will try and work something out. Tell Kyle, Rebecca and Ryan I hope to see them soon and I love them. Tell Kyle and Rebecca to keep writing in there books. Call everyone and tell them I am fine and will try to get a hold of them. Tell Granny I love her and will try to call. Try to send me some Micro SD cards so I can send you back some pics. I love you.

I am still here, getting online is a task. We are waiting for our own personal Internet connection. If you are able please send notebooks, pens, Drink mix and baby wipes. It is not too bad here, I kinda like it, when no one is fighting.

Currently my Squad Leader and I are on a quest to find Satelite Internet so we can stay connected. It is slow going and at the last minute. I hope we can get something so we can all keep in touch. I am waiting for a few companies to get back to me with prices but we do not want to wait.

We just got back from St Pete. We had a great time. Kyle loved swimming and Rebecca had a blast playing in the sand. No one wanted to come back! Wish you were with us, it's just not the same without you. We are trying to keep busy and distracted. We love you!!!
Dawn

I am still on KAF and about to roll out very soon. It is hot but isn't too bad. You sure do sweat alot. I am on a slow ass computer, the wireless here is worse. I may be out of contact for a few weeks, but I will post something when I can.

Well if you do not know by now I am nolonger in the US. Currently I am in Kazakhstan, somewhere north of Afghanistan. It isn't too bad, great weather, kinda remindes me of Florida. We should be headed in to my new dwelling place very soon. I will post pics and keep people updated on how things are going. I got to go piss and my battery is dying so I am going to go.

a Pic of Kyle and Team 3D is on Wikipedia

Well it is almost time to leave. I am heading out tomorrow for NTC. 30 day of fun in the sun.

It is going to suck being away but it comes with the job.