This is the stroller I am making. I went out and bought about 10 yards of Echo fabric and some mesh. All I have to make it is a sewing machine and scissors. No measuring at all, everything is done by eye and with no patterns.

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read.... If you have children you would understand.
Detective Diaper's harrowing adventure
By STEVE ROSE | Saturday, April 23, 2005, 07:29 AM
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Mothers of the world, I’d like you to know that I’ve renewed my membership in your fan club.

Last weekend my oldest daughter wanted a break in the action, so my 16-month-old grandson was a guest at our home.

Before last weekend, all visitation with my grandson was supervised by his mother. All maintenance duties were taken care of. This left me free to frolic with him until I smelled trouble. At the first hint of problems his mother would take him inside and return him fresh again.

My grandson’s name is Fischer. He’s an adorable child who loves to walk and talk baby-talk.

Saturday was spent hitting some garage sales. That night Fischer went to bed around 8 p.m. and he slept like a log all night. I started thinking that this grandparent thing was a piece of cake.

My wife was on call Sunday and, unfortunately for all of us, she was called in early Sunday morning. The last thing she said to me was “You sure you’ll be OK?”

My last words: “No problem.”

I fixed a nice breakfast of eggs and bananas for my grandson and then sat down to read the paper and have some coffee. I asked my 13-year old son and his buddy, who spent the night probably for the last time, to follow Fischer around for a while until I could read a bit and then I’d take it from there.

Cody, my son, came into the room with a look on his face usually reserved for witnessing things like a train wreck or a Hawks game. “Fischer’s got a load,” Cody announces like Paul Revere riding through the den on his way out of town.

We all knew this time would come sooner or later. I thought I was prepared for it, because from what I remember, you get the baby wipes and a new diaper and a couple of minutes later you’re done.

As I picked Fischer up I was hit with the smell so bad a cadaver dogs would surely hit on it. Cody, being the good son, stayed with me as I held my grandson all the way out as far as I could get him from my body. “Damn these short arms!” I yelled as we ran down the hall toward the diaper bag on my bed.

We got him on the bed and as I began the operation I couldn’t believe anything could smell that bad! It is an understatement to say that I was not prepared for the sight of what I would later describe as pure evil.

I yelled for Cody to get the orange traffic cones and to warn the others.

He gave me a look like I was the last man left on the Titanic. He saluted me, then disappeared out the door, slamming it loudly.

When a child does their morning business it puts them in a good mood. This was evident to me because Fischer was smiling, flapping his arms around, talking and now kicking!

“Stop kicking!! Stop kicking please!! Oh for the love of……..just stop kicking!!!

I was on my fourth baby wipe and now seriously considering calling the FEMA Haz-Mat team in because I wasn’t sure I had many wipes left.

My cell phone rang. It was my wife.

“Hi, how’s everything going there?”

She recalled later that she thought I was speaking in tongue for a second before hanging up.

My cell phone rang again. Cody was on the other end calling from our neighbor’s house and wanting to know if he could live with them from now on.

“Coward!” I yelled into the phone.

I could hear my dog barking on the phone.

“Cowards!!” I yelled.

Eventually, it was over. It took 17 baby wipes, two towels and one fire truck — but we won. Later, as we sat out in the back yard watching the diaper burn, I looked over to my grandson who was sitting there totally content and happy.

This made me happy. We were all happy and content. It was a nice moment.

Cody eventually returned home and as the three of us sat in the back yard watching the fire, Cody asked, “How long before the next one?”

It was time to head to the store for more baby wipes and traffic cones.

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future.

This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or "pluck yew").

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew! "PLUCK YEW!"

Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative 'F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute!

It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird."

We had the appointment today and found out that there is only one in there and it is a girl. There are not any good shots of her due to the fact that she was laying face down but we god some shots.

This is such a cool pic. I love the way the club looks and the expression on his face.

So we find out Tomorrow what is going on.

So we'll find out, tomorrow
Find out if we have twins tomorrow
Help me God
Just thinking about tomorrow
Wipe away the fear and the sorrow
Will they say?
Tomorrow, Tomorrow, You’re having Twins tomorrow
It is only a day away

Anticipation sucks

We have a new baby ferret. Kyle named her Joey. She is the first female ferret we have. It took no time till the rest of them, except Yoda, to accept her. I think yoda has a thing for her.

And this is where she is about 95% of the time.... I think there needs to be a rehab for her.

Ahni and Kyle with his new Mohawk. It makes him look like Aang the Avatar.

There was a chance for a week or so where we almost moved back to New Jersey.
I did not want to go at all but the wife wanted to go for the money. I was offered $30,000 more then my current salary, but my current employer came through with enough for Dawn to be happy. So New Jersey is not in our future, thank god. I don't want to be there for more then a few days at a time.

I come in the #2 spot when searching for Jim Guerriero. After finding out that Jim Guerriero of First Lenders Mortgage was not going to do our financing I found out that he went on vacation...

Such an ass Jim Guerriero of First Lenders Mortgage is.

Kyle is in the process of building a Wish List. Everything so far is Star Wars. I setup the account for him the other day and now he just sits and adds stuff to it. I thank God that he can do it on his own and I don't have to site there and click through all that crap.

Dawn's Doctor is bringing us in next week to find out why she is bigger than she is supposed to be. If you do not know Twins run in her family and it falls on her generation. They are also going to be able to tell us the sex.

What makes all this a topic of controversy is the fact that Kyle started inquiring about two babies being born at the same time. He then went into detail about Dawn having two babies and described what they would look like. All this was about 1-2 weeks before we knew she was pregnant.

So we find out next Monday if it is true.

As some of you know we are buying a house in Kissimmee. 3 bedroom 2 bath, it is such a great place. Our offer was accepted and we had our inspection. All that is left is the financing. This is where the problem starts.

Dawn's uncle Jim Guerriero of First Lenders Mortgage was doing our financing. Not only was it stupid to go with family but using Jim Guerriero of First Lenders Mortgage after the repeated stories of his unprofessional work ethic was retarded.

Not only did it take Jim Guerriero of First Lenders Mortgage 2 days to fax our approval letter to the realtor, after he repeatedly told us he was going to send it right over, but Jim Guerriero of First Lenders Mortgage also wasted about a week before he decided to pass our information to another Mortgage Company. When my wife calls to see what is going on an hour after Jim Guerriero of First Lenders Mortgage was suppose to call her back, he gets offended and tells her he is trying to run an office.... I thought he was working for us? I could be wrong though, but I don't think so.

In my opinion Jim Guerriero the owner of First Lenders Mortgage is a lackadaisical and inconsiderate Owner/Mortgage Rep. I would not only not want to use him again but I would urge people to stay as far away from him as possible.

Here is where I live. Well for the time being anyway.

It is neat.... Give it a shot and check your house out.